i thought you might enjoy an update as your all discombobulated and stuff, no longer here with us in this mortal rugby-scrum-of-a-form. I usually fucking hate these kind of notes to the deceased, you know the kind of thing: ‘hey, hey, hey bro…’ as if you can hear me, or as if you can read these lame words, however, with you mate, i thought it might make your spirit fizz, froth, and chuckle a little. And, it makes me feel less like i’m going so stour-crazy in your absence, and a bit more like your on a very very long holiday in some shit hole of a resort, with no wifi.
Gordon Bennet, you really shuffled off the stage at a strategic point eh? sneaky bastid! and you set the 2016 death pool in motion that savaged many of your favourite artists like Prince, George Michael, Bowie, and Leonard Cohen. You woulda’ bin well gutted mate. Even Carrie Fisher died, maybe she’s already on the eternal dancefloor spinning on that galactic pole!
Well, i suppose you’d want the low down on what’s going in town, and with your mates. A who’s who of who, and who’s doing who. Sorry, not tellin’…it’s just all as well as can be expected bro’, it’s not like anybody went and died or nothing like that, but indeed, some might be seen as the living dead on the dancefloor compared to yowa’ kevbot (had to drop the bot in here) Did i mention what a great time i had at your wake? man, after a few drinks i half expected you to walk in the door, pulling a Jesus move on us, but no. Seems you’re really dead, whatever that means.
Sleaford have a new album called ‘English Tapas’ and will open for the fucking Stone Roses at Wembley. Jason spoke at you fucking wake, i mean, how sick is that? I’ll be seeing him tonight at the melkweg, and thinking of ya’ pal.
I nearly forgot, there was another party for you at the fitness factory, and you never turned up, again! everybody was royally fucked up, and there were mossive’ blown up photos of you, all up and over the walls, surreal. Man…you are loved!
The yanks have gone mad (well some of them) you’d never believe it, even ‘Black Mirror’ has gone all ‘crack mirror’ and your wish for the ginger race to take over planet world is coming to pass, just like you said dread.
I know it sounds tatty but you are missed on facebook (the worlds largest spying machine) by hundreds of your friends. Man, (i keep saying man for emphasis) nobody has stepped up to the plate since you went missin’, motherfuckers are getting away with all sorts of wrong-headed ideological shyte with nobody to pull em’ up. It just ain’t fucking funny to me. I wish we could have argued about Brexit a bit more, together with the new President Trump in Amerikkka, these two topics would have been ripe for some Kev Lane assaults insults and strange truths.
What else, erm, a few more global conflicts have kicked off, and the migrant / immigrant crisis has escalated as you would have suspected. A lot of angry dull opinionated twerps have robbed the mic’ We have yet to see the uprising, the backlash, the social activist blowback effect, but i’ll keep you posted, soon come.
I wish i had more jokes and swearing, but your fucking dead, whatever that means…i’ll keep you posted, sleep well.
(edited May 4th, 2017)